Big wedding or eloping? Which one is for you?

By: The anti-social bride (special guest)

Ladies, its time we look at this whole big wedding cliché a little bit deeper. The wedding industry is huge, milking the dreams of wide-eyed brides hoping to create “the perfect day”, a day where their lives will change forever, they will be the center of attention and marry Prince Charming.

big wedding

Cute, but the reality is that the minute you mention wedding, all types of vendors will automatically say “CA-CHING!! in their minds and add 40% to their regular prices (except BTK, of course). The cost of a wedding nowadays ($26,645 average) is hard to come by for many couples who have to ask for help from their families or max out their credit cards. And lets talk about the “wedding hangover” which happens right after the event, when you realize that 6 months to a year’s planning goes out the window in 10 hours. Also, the lingering bills that remain after are really hard to swallow. Therefore, I , as an equal opportunity provocateur,  wanted to give you food for thought, to analyze your upcoming nuptials and make an educated decision to best suit your goals, expectations and dreams.

BIG WEDDING

Pros

Everybody can come to celebrate with you, including family and friends that you haven’t seen for a while

It’s your dream come true and it’s your day and you want it bad

You will have a corny but sweet wedding album which nobody will ever look at after. (except your kids, who will think you look funny)

corny

Wedding Gifts!!!!!

You get to dress up in a beautiful dress and feel like a princess

You can do a cool dad-daughter dance

father daughter

You can make out in front of grandma and your crazy aunt

You will probably loose weight from stress and trying to fit into your dress

You can go wild in your bachelorette (planned by BTK, of course!)

crazy bach

Cons

Everybody can come, even the ones you might not really want there

You have to pose for wedding pics which can really suck and can be really corny

corny2

It will take 6 months to 1 year to plan for most brides and it is an overwhelming experience, sooooo many details

You will become a bridezilla and hurt everyone around you

bridezilla

Wedding Hangover – its over in 8-10 hours after so much work and then the bills

You will need at least 2  assistants to pee while wearing your wedding dress.

bride peeing

ELOPING

Pros

It will be very romantic (unless you do Vegas drive thru wedding with an Elvis officiant)

elvis

It’s an adventure with your new partner in life and crime

You can find a really unique location that is perfect for both

You save a ton of cash so you can have an awesome honeymoon or put a down payment on your new house.

honeymoon

You will have a really cool story for the rest of your lives (unless you get divorced)

Won’t have to deal with a psycho wedding planner

wedding planner

Only the couple and maybe the really close friends and family will be there

Your bridesmaids wont hate you for making them wear a lime green ill-fitting dress

ugly bmaids

No wedding hangover, except a real hangover if you really partied the elopement away!

You wont need help to pee while wearing your puffy wedding dress

You wont get sued because of the all out brawl for the bouquet

bouquet

Cons

Not everyone will be able to share your most important day

You won’t have a wedding cake fight with your significant other

wedding cake

You wont have your big day being the center of attention

A wedding dress might be a bit much so you don’t get to feel like a princess

Family and friends might resent you at first (they will get over it in a year or two)

28-09-2011

You will get few wedding gifts

Conclusion

This is really a very personal decision. There is no right or wrong answer, just what is right for you. Don’t be afraid to go your own way. Make it your perfect day and not the wedding planners. This is the start of your new life together, so make it great for both of you. A big wedding is HUGE (use Trump pronunciation please) stress and has created more than a few break-ups and tension in normally loving couples. Whatever you decide, always remember why you are getting married, to be with the one you love, and that’s all that matters!

Tips for planning your bachelorette from a very frustrated Miami bride!

 

confusedbride

So your wedding is in the horizon and you are ready to begin the festivities with a kickass bachelorette. Your best friend just happens to be an event planner and is gladly helping you put the event together. And suddenly BOOM!!!!! Reality hits and your frustration level goes through the roof because everything starts to unravel.

Here is what happened:

Maid of Honor is Missing in Action – My maid of honor did not offer to help plan my bachelorette. I reached out delicately but nothing. Neither did anyone else so I ended up planning it myself!

crazy-MOH-stories

TIP – Find the right person to help you if you can, even if it’s not the maid of honor. It is way cooler when somebody helps and you are just along for the ride!

New Orleans, here we come, or not! – I started planning the bachelorette 7 months before wanting to go to Nola. We put together a great package including air and hotel for $500 / person, a great deal for the perfect bach party. First problem was nobody wanted to commit so early so we didn’t buy the tickets or reserve the hotel. Getting a head count was impossible so by the time people finally agreed, prices had gone way up and it didn’t fit anybody’s budget. Plan B – Miami

nola

TIP – Get a firm headcount and agreeable budget for all invited, Make sure they understand it is your wish come true and give them sufficient time to plan it and pay for it.

 

It’s MY WEDDING people! – Even though a lot of my friends are married, have babies, etc., I expected them to be present for me, the same way I was for them. This includes both in time and in money, regarding the budget. The reality is that real life interferes. There are 100’s of reasons why somebody might not be able to participate or spend the amount required to do things my way.

itsmywed

TIP – Be realistic and set your expectations low. Make sure the people that you really want there are present by including them in the decisions as to place and budget. Pray the rest will follow but be prepared that they wont, even if you were there for them.

ZIKA – Believe it or not, the Zika virus caused 2 of my BFF’s not to be able to come to my party because they were pregnant. I completely understand but I really wanted them there. Zika is real and it might make some people rethink if your party and even your wedding are worth the risk.

zika-virus-mosquito hurr

TIP – This is a no brainer. Sometimes things we can’t control happen. If not Zika, it could be a hurricane or something else. Include them in your thought process because shit happens!

 

The Budget – The most important thing to understand is that pricing for the party or the wedding is always based on a number of people. If that number changes, so does the pricing.

tight budget

TIP – Explain that from the beginning and make sure everyone understands it so they can commit. Always suggest people add 20% to the budget for variables.

 

bride

Some real thoughts from the Bride….

My dream bachelorette party might not be feasible due to budget, time and other factors for my bridesmaids. It is sad to have to adjust my wishes to their budgets and time constraints but it’s just the way it is!

Please try to give me at least your best effort as far as scheduling and budget issues. Make sure you treat me the same way I treated you or the way you would expect to be treated in the future.

If nobody helped me with the bachelorette, I wont even think of planning a bridal shower or anything else. Too much on my plate!

I feel alone. I expected more help and sisterhood but it never happened!

Make up your mind ladies and commit. It’s the only way we can get the budget under control and plan a successful party.

sadbride

CONCLUSION – Things went very differently from what I expected. I really wanted New Orleans and ended up in Miami. Not everyone I wanted will make it. I thought I could count on my close friends but I couldn’t so I ended up doing most of the work myself. I don’t mean to bitch but I needed some loving and I didn’t get it! I hope not to turn into a bridezilla before the wedding!