By: The anti-social bride (special guest)
Ladies, its time we look at this whole big wedding cliché a little bit deeper. The wedding industry is huge, milking the dreams of wide-eyed brides hoping to create “the perfect day”, a day where their lives will change forever, they will be the center of attention and marry Prince Charming.
Cute, but the reality is that the minute you mention wedding, all types of vendors will automatically say “CA-CHING!! in their minds and add 40% to their regular prices (except BTK, of course). The cost of a wedding nowadays ($26,645 average) is hard to come by for many couples who have to ask for help from their families or max out their credit cards. And lets talk about the “wedding hangover” which happens right after the event, when you realize that 6 months to a year’s planning goes out the window in 10 hours. Also, the lingering bills that remain after are really hard to swallow. Therefore, I , as an equal opportunity provocateur, wanted to give you food for thought, to analyze your upcoming nuptials and make an educated decision to best suit your goals, expectations and dreams.
Everybody can come to celebrate with you, including family and friends that you haven’t seen for a while
It’s your dream come true and it’s your day and you want it bad
You will have a corny but sweet wedding album which nobody will ever look at after. (except your kids, who will think you look funny)
You get to dress up in a beautiful dress and feel like a princess
You can do a cool dad-daughter dance
You can make out in front of grandma and your crazy aunt
You will probably loose weight from stress and trying to fit into your dress
You can go wild in your bachelorette (planned by BTK, of course!)
Everybody can come, even the ones you might not really want there
You have to pose for wedding pics which can really suck and can be really corny
It will take 6 months to 1 year to plan for most brides and it is an overwhelming experience, sooooo many details
You will become a bridezilla and hurt everyone around you
Wedding Hangover – its over in 8-10 hours after so much work and then the bills
You will need at least 2 assistants to pee while wearing your wedding dress.
It will be very romantic (unless you do Vegas drive thru wedding with an Elvis officiant)
It’s an adventure with your new partner in life and crime
You can find a really unique location that is perfect for both
You save a ton of cash so you can have an awesome honeymoon or put a down payment on your new house.
You will have a really cool story for the rest of your lives (unless you get divorced)
Won’t have to deal with a psycho wedding planner
Only the couple and maybe the really close friends and family will be there
Your bridesmaids wont hate you for making them wear a lime green ill-fitting dress
No wedding hangover, except a real hangover if you really partied the elopement away!
You wont need help to pee while wearing your puffy wedding dress
You wont get sued because of the all out brawl for the bouquet
Not everyone will be able to share your most important day
You won’t have a wedding cake fight with your significant other
You wont have your big day being the center of attention
A wedding dress might be a bit much so you don’t get to feel like a princess
Family and friends might resent you at first (they will get over it in a year or two)
You will get few wedding gifts
This is really a very personal decision. There is no right or wrong answer, just what is right for you. Don’t be afraid to go your own way. Make it your perfect day and not the wedding planners. This is the start of your new life together, so make it great for both of you. A big wedding is HUGE (use Trump pronunciation please) stress and has created more than a few break-ups and tension in normally loving couples. Whatever you decide, always remember why you are getting married, to be with the one you love, and that’s all that matters!